In its first step toward creating a franchise featuring Universal Studio’s classic monsters called ‘Dark Universe,’ “The Mummy” assaults the eyes and ears of its audience with consecutive action scenes of the undead attacking, swarming sets of crows and rats, and destructive dust clouds in an effort to mask a story as threadbare as the Mummy’s 2,000 year-old wrappings. In short, we’re not treated to the creepy Egyptian monster that was buried alive and sought revenge once his sarcophagus was opened- we’re given a cacophony of chaos that copies from other films when it’s not trying to push the boundaries of CGI.
As a monster, 1932’s “The Mummy” wasn’t all that scary to begin with but did have the pathos you needed to sympathize with his plight- Imhotep (Boris Karloff) was an Egyptian priest who tried to resurrect the sacrificial vestal virgin he loved and suffered the dire consequences of going against Egyptian rites by being buried alive. Once his sarcophagus was found thousands of years later, his resurrection recipe was read and, voila, Imhotep was alive again and went on a vengeful tear by shuffling up to and strangling his victims. Realistically, unless you’re frozen with fright, you’d be able to outrun Imhotep, but that was part of the charm of those old Universal monster movies. In 2017, all that charm is lost- this Mummy isn’t motivated by love but by power; he’s now a she and she doesn’t shuffle.
Our new “Mummy” is Egyptian princess Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella) who, after the Pharaoh dies, will rule all of Egypt. When the Pharaoh winds up fathering a son, she loses her rank to rule. Ahmanet makes a deal with the dark Egyptian God Set- she will use a fancy dagger with a red jewel on its hilt to murder her family and then resurrect Set in human form by sacrificing a man to be Set’s human host using said dagger. In the process of carrying out her plan, Ahmanet’s caught and ‘sarcophagized’- wrapped up and buried alive.
Thousands of years later, in modern-day Iraq, we meet Nick (Tom Cruise) and his buddy Chris (Jake Johnson)- Army scouts who seek to take advantage of the war in the Middle East by treasure hunting to line their own pockets: Nick’s the reckless leader; Chris’ the ‘aw-we-shouldn’t’ sidekick. After inciting the insurgents, Nick and Chris scramble toward the site of Haram, which Nick feels must be valuable as he stole the info from a woman named Jenny (Annabelle Wallis), whom he bedded in Baghdad and whose info came from a guy named Henry (Russell Crowe). After an airstrike, Haram is unearthed and Jenny reappears to explore Haram with Nick and Chris. In a “National Treasure” scenario, Ahmanet’s hidden sarcophagus is found by way of ropes and pulleys from its submersion in a pool of mercury. Why mercury? It keeps evil spirits at bay, Jenny explains.
Evil-shmevil, the sarcophagus equals money and so is quickly loaded onto a cargo plane where Nick, Chris and Jenny will escort it en route to London where Henry awaits, having just discovered a tomb of his own- this one of knights templar, one of which holds that funky red jewel from Ahmanet’s Egyptian dagger. Needless to say, chaos ensues as the cargo plane goes down in London-town when Ahmanet’s power resurfaces and when we also learn that Henry’s last name is Jekyll, as in the famed Doctor: you see, not even Ahmanet can hide from Hyde- Jekyll runs a monster-hunting organization called Prodigium and, in Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury “Avengers” style, Jekyll will be the link and center to Universal’s future ‘Dark Universe’ franchise (in case you’re wondering, Crowe’s Hyde is a Cockney-accented thug who chases people around after transformation, subdued only by vaccine).
2017’s “The Mummy’s” just a set-up for this burgeoning franchise: Universal hoping to capitalize on Marvel Studios and DC Comics’ success by trotting out its characters into their own individual films. As a standalone film, “The Mummy” is a shaky step at best, its constant action scenes and scenarios start to get boring once you recognize the other films they’re pulled from: in addition to “National Treasure’s” treasure traps or knights templar angle, you’ll be reminded of John Landis’ “An American Werewolf in London” with Chris sporadically reappearing to tell Nick that Nick’s under the Mummy’s curse, Tobe Hooper’s “Lifeforce” with people physically drained of their energy and withering (here, to become Ahmanet’s undead army), and even Ivan Reitman’s “Ghostbusters” as Ahmanet has a lot of Gozer-like qualities: physically similar and spewing powerful forces, she’s also a “nimble little minx.”
While the old Universal monster movies weren’t exactly Shakespeare plays, they did have their enduring charm- you sympathized with their monsters’ kill-motivated conundrums because their plights had pathos. This is a charmless “Mummy” that Shakespeare actually described best- it’s “full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”